What is a Christian Wife to do with that Verse about Submitting

  What is a Christian Wife to do with that Verse about Submitting?

 

Ephesians 5:22-23 is one of the passages in the Bible that I have struggled with.  Here it is: “Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is also the Savior of the body.” (Ephesians 5:22-23)

 

Today most modern couples believe that wives are equal to their husbands and often as competent, and sometimes more so, than their husbands. Does this Bible passage in Ephesians mean that competent married women are not allowed to use their God-given talents if those talents threaten their husband’ ego or causes problems in their marriages?  Submit? Shouldn’t a wife demand her rights?  

 

Good marriages are so important, -part of the fabric that holds society together.  And couples need to give and take to make their marriages work. It seems that submitting is part of that give and take. But does this submitting mean that wives must do all the submitting while their husbands assert their dominance and order their wives around?  Could these verses be mis-used as a mandate for wives becoming nothing more than dutiful servants?  I don’t think that is what this Ephesians passage means.

 

Does this mean that a wife should submit to a husband that is telling her to do a sinful act?  Should she disobey God’s laws so she can follow her husband’s lead into sin since her husband is her head?    Ephesians 5:22-23 is only two short verses in the Bible.  We are not to take two Bible verses or commands out of context with all the other verses in the Bible. All the other passages in the Bible tell God’s people that they are never to follow another person into sin. I believe this verse in Ephesians should obviously be taken along with all the other commands in Scripture. 

 

 

When we try to follow the teachings of the whole Bible, clearly a woman is not to obey her husband when he tells her to sin or break God’s commands.  If the husband tells the wife to harm another person or betray a trust or stop speaking to her children or her parents, or any other unkind, unloving  or sinful act, I believe the Bible tells a wife to follow God’s Will when her husband’s orders go against God’s Will. 

 

This passage also instructs Christian wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord.  It is one thing to submit to Jesus Christ our Lord, God the Son, our Savior and Redeemer, the Light of the world. But is a woman commanded to submit to a fallible, sinful man?!  I don’t believe this command in Ephesians to wives means that faithful wives are to submit to abuse or humiliation or that they must endure infidelity.  I Corinthians 7:15 says that when an unbelieving spouse (husband) leaves that the abandoned spouse or wife is not bound in such circumstances, but God has called her to live in peace.  God cares and isn’t asking wives for the impossible!    

 

The verse just before this passage, Ephesians 5:21, commands submission for both husband and wife: “Submit yourselves one to another in the fear of God.” The husband is also commanded to submit to his wife! Mutual submission.  The husband may be the “head,” - but the wife is often the “neck” that turns the head. 

 

Throughout their lives together, the husband and wife are to love each other and to submit to each other.  A loving husband will work for his wife’s best interests and a loving wife will work for her husband’s best interests.  They are not competing against each other but working together as one.  So, it comes naturally when the wife often submits to her husband’s wishes. I have watched so many good marriages where both husband and wife act as one and work together and serve each other. 

 

But God has more instructions for the husbands than for the wives!  Really heavy-duty instructions! We continue reading God’s commands to husbands in Ephesians: “Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church!

 

 How did Christ love the Church?  He died on the cross for his Church.  He gave himself, naked and bleeding to suffer for His Church.  He put her needs above his own and sacrificed His life for her. I don’t hear husbands fussing about their primary command being to love their wives and to give themselves up for her.  When we read God’s commands for husbands, those verses about wives submitting to the head seem not to be such a big deal.

 

And husbands have another obligation in the marriage.  Scripture says: “But if any one does not provide for his own, especially for those in his family, he has denied the Faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (1 Timothy 5:8) This does not say that a man must be the primary bread winner. Or that his wife doesn’t need to work outside the home.  In biblical terms, the value of work is measured in service, not in dollars.  But Scripture says that a man’s job is to work and do his best to support his family.  Not abandon his duty.   

 

Christian marriage, Scripture says is about intimacy and love and about the mystery of two persons becoming one.  These commands in Scripture regarding the duties of wives and husbands won’t work without love. Love is the key! Our marriages are like a little picture of Jesus as the bridegroom and the Church (believers) as His bride.  The bridegroom (Jesus) gives himself up for us, His bride.  And the Church (the bride) follows (submits to) her husband, Jesus. But the Church (bride) is joyful in submitting to her Lord and Savior because she loves Him, and He does everything to bring her peace and joy and love and victory over sin, because He loves her.

 

Scripture teaches us that Jesus is our Bridegroom.  And no one comes to Jesus while holding onto our rights.  The only way to come before Him is to fall flat on our face.  He is our head and the head of the Church.  Male or female, if we insist on our rights or insist on doing things our way, we reject Jesus because He calls us to submit to Him all the way. 

 

           

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